I was born in the mid-80s, which really makes me more of a 90s kids in terms of pop culture, industrial rock, and action figures based on R-rated movie franchises. It also means I grew up in a glorious stew of transitional 80s to 90s children’s clothing, hollaaa. I can only hope my own children’s baby pictures will be as fantastic in twenty years as my own. If they aren’t, then I haven’t done my job right.
I’ve got a mediocre scanner and a pile of old photos, LET’S DO THIS.
Let’s start real mild, with Sam’s first hints of cosplay. I should also make note that this is the most Italian I ever looked, and why did growing up lose me the ability to retain a minor tan?
I really only included this because of the tan.
It was a time… of matching mottled hot pink dresses.
Chub rub is real and it begins at an early age.
It was a time…of asymmetrical patterns, puffy sleeves, and the color turquoise.
To be honest I still want everything in turquoise.
It was a time of random shapes! Track suits! Head bands!
[Shout out to my big sister, I left a message asking if I could put up pictures of you and you never answered, now it’s too late.]
We’re smiling because we don’t know any better.
Birthday parties still meant dressing up, of course. But, what’s this? BIRTHDAY SWEATS? SUSPENDERS? SOME KIND OF FADED CAT DECAL? I kid you not, this is me dressed up to party when I turned 3.
And I look really excited about it.
But hey, birthday meant My Little Pony cake, Barbie and Ken, Raggedy Ann and Andy, and whatever gizmo Fisher Price was pushing at the time!
[In fact…all of that is true again other than Raggedy Ann and Andy. So expect them to make a comeback at any moment.]
Give it up for hot pink 80s dining room.
Easter is always a time for big floral dresses and white stockings, but back then it was really a time for BIG FLORAL DRESSES AND WHITE STOCKINGS.
“I’m on to your bullshit, Mom. What is this.”
The 90s crept in with their shorter hair styles and smaller floral prints, but they didn’t get rid of puffy shoulders. Not yet.
Did I mention the mary janes and white socks?
Picture day at school is a big deal. Like, you are going to be memorialized in this outfit for all time. I’m going to spare you the horror of my middle school years till another post, because the world isn’t ready to look back on that yet. Instead, enjoy more floral, chunky jewelry, and big bows.
I know it’s plastic and I don’t care, I wish I still had this necklace, look at those gems.
You REALLY want to look good, though? Braid your hair the night before so it gets kinky except at the bottom where the braid tied! PUT THAT SHIT IN A SIDE PONYTAIL. PAINT YOUR NAILS, BUT DEF DO IT YOURSELF.
You know what? I stole this necklace from my mom, and I *do* still have it, and it’s the BEST.
So, from the first 3 siblings in my 6-sibling family to yours, I say this:
Pull up those jeans. Higher. Turquoise and purple will always go together. Your floral prints can be large or small, but they must always be paired with a competing pattern. And if you don’t want to hold your sweater, just tie it around your waist. Yes, even if you’re wearing a dress.
Samantha Mills 